Zen and Cat Poo

I’ve been reading a book called Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert which inspired me to try to attain inner peace through meditation. She describes her search for peace and balance so hilariously and so well that when she finally attains it, you kinda go: AAAWW I want some of THAT!

The premise is that we (humanity) are far too distracted by external things and circumstances and our emotional states vacillate like a pendulum depending if our situations are good or bad. This rang VERY true for me. My two extreme states of being are either ‘YAAAY life is so divine’ or ‘BOOHOO I HATE my life’, and hardly ever any middle ground in between. So, the book states that if we can attain inner peace, a relationship with God (or higher power or whomever you would like to call him / her / it) we can always rely on that centredness to help us through ANY circumstance that comes our way and remain calm and happy no matter what.

GUHRATE, I thought, am going to start meditating immediately. I am usually up with the birds at 5am anyway so what have I got to lose? I did some research on a website about meditation recently and discovered the simplest way to start the process, is just to sit quietly, still your mind, breathe and concentrate on your breathing. Let thoughts go in and out but don’t hold on to them – let them go. Wonderful. So, there I was at 6.10 this morning trying to do just that. I was sitting in my pj’s, legs crossed, breathing for about uhm 3 minutes, when I heard a screech from the bathroom.

"MOMMY, THE CAT POO’ED IN THE BATHROOM… IT’S DISGUSTING!!!"

I tried to ignore it and centre myself to no avail. Eventually my door burst open and I gave up. Dragged sorry (un-centred) self into the bathroom to go and survey the damage. It WAS disgusting. I won’t go into detail, suffice to say I spent the next 10 minutes cleaning up cat poo and cursing the feline members of my family. There goes my Zen attitude. Clearly God is having a big laugh at me today. Sigh. I shall persevere and try again tomorrow morning, however.

PS: Scott - you HAVE been warned!

My other brother, Darryl

Now I don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression here. Our family is not the type in which cousins marry and their off-spring are born with donkey ears or live in trailers. No. We are perfectly normal (well ok, relatively speaking, pardon bad pun) and there is little evidence of in-breeding. BUT! I have recently discovered that my brother in law and I get on like a house on fire. No, Neen, if you’re reading this, not at ALL in that way. Let me explain. Neen (his wife and my gorgeous and divine sister) is in America on some research thingie for business. She will be away for approximately 10 weeks and in this time, Scott has to cope with 3 (yes THREE) kids pretty much on his own. I (being a model citizen and very, very kind, selfless and saintly – also he gives me free wine) have been doing the good sister in law thing by dropping in over the weekends to make sure the kids are eating their greens and that BIL hasn’t gone totally over the edge. So, this has been going on for about 4 weeks now and to my great delight I discover that he’s like the brother I always wished I had. While I was growing up I yearned for a brother. Now in hindsight I am SO GLAD I didn’t have one. Sorry Scott no offence meant but you can be rather bitter and twisted at times.

So, my BIL and I are bonding. Who knew? We chat about the life, universe, everything and nothing and laugh a lot mostly at ourselves. He is self deprecating, funny, interesting and a very talented writer (go read his BLOG <- yet another shameless plug!) Also, he plugs my blog a lot so this is really a ‘he made me do it’ sort of post. Only joking Scott, I am proud to call you my BIL and friend!

Just another brick in the wall

When you first realise you're going to be a parent, you have all these ideals and standards. Things you decide you will never make your kid do. Things you see other parents doing that you vow never to do. Mistakes you clearly see others make and promise yourself you won't do the same.
One thing I was certain of while I was pregnant with my daughter was that her childhood would not be totally conventional and that I would not be your average Joe (Josephine?) parent. She would be allowed to be a 'free spirit'. I would give her a choice when it came to religious or spiritual affiliations for example.

Can I say HAAAH now? All you parents out there are laughing, right?

Sigh, then cold, harsh reality hits and you get into year 3 or 4 of being an actual parent. You hear yourself saying things like: 'Eat your peas!' OR 'Because I SAY SO!!!' OR 'On the count of three, go to your ROOM!'

I have always been a rebel (usually without a cause). I've always had strange ideas regarding life, religion, spirituality etc. I don't want to live an ordinary life. I want to explore different schools of thought and ideas. I want to live my own life not someone else's idea of how a life should be. And yet and yet - then you have a kid and you HAVE to put them through this 'sausage machine' for want of a better phrase. They have to go to school, they have to get up on time to be in time for the school bell, they have to wear uniforms and say yes sir, no sir, listen to their teachers and respect authority. They HAVE to. It's what you do. My parents made me do it and I have to make her do it. To try and live in some Utopia and pretend that society as it is does not exist is not realistic or achievable. I have to let her live her life and ultimately make her own choices eventually when she's old enough to do so. I just have such a tough time seeing her go through this and seeing the struggle in her little head. She asks me why must I sometimes and honestly I have no better response than 'Because you must...' or 'Because I said so...'. That SUCKS! Don't get me wrong. I have absolutely NO inclination of raising a child who has no respect or no idea of right and wrong. I absolutely believe that children should have boundaries and rules. I just don't know if I believe in society's rules as an absolute.

So, I don't have all the answers, who knew!? My parents probably faced the same dilemma raising me and my sister but they probably didn't examine it all that closely - they simply did it. In the meantime I will simply have to bite my tongue, try to give her as good a childhood as possible and continue to remind her to eat her peas.

Self Talk

While I am in this state of limbo I don’t quite know how to feel. No longer with you and having moved on to acceptance I thought… what is this unnamed feeling? Missing you? Missing us? Mostly I am ok with the idea of being on my own. I have announced to all and sundry that this state of aloneness is necessary to my well-being. I need to do this. I need NOT to rebound to the next as easy or tempting as that might be. I have to concentrate on getting to know myself, identify my wants and needs as opposed to defining myself through someone else. All this is well and good. Still this feeling persists. It’s not that I have an overwhelming need to be with someone. It’s not that I am lonely. I have friends, family, my daughter. I have a life filled with people and love. But this niggling feeling won’t go away. My rational self knows that we weren’t right together, that I rebounded way too quickly after having my heart trampled but my emotional self is sitting in a corner, sulking and refusing to believe all of that Dr Phil type crap. Hopefully this too shall pass.

Interview with my daughter

This is a cute idea. Copy this note, ask your kid the questions and write them down exactly how they respond. Tag me back if you haven't done this, I'd love to hear the answers.

Rhiannon - age 7

1. What is something mom always says to you?
Please get dressed!


2. What makes mom happy?
Being good

3. What makes mom sad?
Me being naughty

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
By saying that word (laugh) - (she is laughing now) - doing the dance of joy!


5. What did your mom like to do as a child?
Play in the pool

6. How old is your mom?
18 (LOVE that child!)

7. How tall is your mom?
I have no idea


8. What is her favorite thing to watch on TV?
Egoli

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
Work

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Modelling (again LOVE HER!)

11. What is your mom really good at?
Cooking

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Doing a handstand

13. What does your mom do for her job?
Work, work, work

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
Chocolate? No, uh uh (laughs)

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
I love you

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Hairy Scary (WTF!?)

17. What do you and your mom do together?
Play together,watch movies, pick flowers and garden

18. How are you and your mom the same?
Me and you are both good, we do things the same way

19. How are you and your mom different?
I dunno


20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Because whenever I am sad she is there

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
When he gives her money


22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
Well, movies? No, ok (adopts a meditation pose complete with crossed legs and OOHHM) - Meditation!?

Hello darkness my old friend

Hi All (or one reader, whatever, Hi Scott!)
I have decided to move to blogger as it's such a divine blogging tool. My old URL was http://beeslife.blogdrive.com. I am now officially a blogger - whooohoo. Promise a real post will follow shortly.

Love u all
Bee
xxx