The Moon and the Stars

Amidst all the noise, the haste, the manic, panicked stress of everyday life, I feel a change. It’s a slow unyielding shift almost imperceptible but very much there. Small things start to change. I see natural beauty way more clearly. The stars and moon in Roberston on Saturday night were so bright they almost moved me to tears with their awesome beauty. The moon played games with us through the clouds and my friend and I spoke and spoke. A rainbow followed us almost all the way home from Robertson to Cape Town. A promise. A gift.

This change has a sense of promise to it. Something is coming. Something is waiting in the wings and it’s waiting for me to be ready. I sometimes smile to myself as things are revealed to me that start to make sense, pieces start to fit together. Someone says something to me and it’s like a gift. I accept it and put it away to examine later.

Still around me the madness continues. For a few moments I block it out and write about what’s inside me.

Hey oh - Red Hot Chili Peppers - just 'cos

Come to decide that the things that I tried
Were in my life just to get high on.
When I sit alone, come get a little more known
But I need more than myself this time.
Step from the road to the sea to the sky,
And I do believe that we rely on
When I lay it on, come get to play it on
All my life to sacrifice.

Hey oh...listen what I say oh
I got your hey oh, now listen what I say oh

When will I know that I really can't go
To the well one more time to decide on.
Well it's kiliing me, when will I really see,
All that I need to look inside.
Come to believe that I better not leave
Before I get my chance to ride,
Well it's killing me, what do I really need
All that I need to look inside.

Hey oh...listen what I say oh
Come back and hey oh, look at what I say oh

The more I see the less I know
The more I like to let it go - hey oh, whoa
Deep beneath the cover of another perfect wonder
Where it's so white as snow,
Privately divided by a world so undecided
And there's nowhere to go
In between the cover of another perfect wonder
Where it's so white as snow,
Running through a field where all my tracks will
Be concealed and there's nowhere to go.

When to descend to amend for a friend
All the channels that have broken down.
Now you bring it up, I'm gonna ring it up
Just to hear you sing it out.
Step from the road to the sea to the sky,
And I do believe what we rely on,
When I lay it on, come get to play it on
All my life to sacrifice

Hey oh...listen what I say oh
I got your hey oh...listen what I say oh

The more I see, the less I know
The more I like to let it go hey oh whoa.
Deep beneath the cover of another perfect wonder
Where it's so white as snow.
Privately divided by a world so undecided
And there's nowhere to go
In between the cover of another perfect wonder
Where it's so white as snow
Running through the field where all my tracks will
Be concealed and there's nowhere to go.
I said hey hey yeah oh yeah, tell my love now.
Hey hey yeah oh yeah, tell my love now.
Deep beneath the cover of another perfect wonder
Where it's so white as snow,
Privately divided by a world so undecided
And there's nowhere to go.
Deep beneath the cover of another perfect wonder
Where it's so white as snow...
Running through the field where all my tracks will be concealed
And there's nowhere to go.

I said hey oh yeah oh yeah..tell my love now
Hey yeah yeah...oh yeah.

That which consumes me

There comes a point in the evening when I become aware of a hunger. Hunger for wine, food, cigarettes, conversation. For you. Most of all for you. This hunger haunts and tears at me. Makes me ache for more. So I push it down. I sleep. I wake. I go on with my life. Still it’s always there at the perimeter of everything I do. Waiting. Wanting. It will not be silenced completely. I can stifle but not quench it. It consumes me.